Question

If I am so darn happy being single (and I think I am), why does it hurt when other people get engaged?

Complimentarianism

My church believes in complimentarianism, basically a seperate but equal view of men and women. I keep reading and listening and generally trying to hear God, but no word so far. My thoughts are all over the place.

I've seen complimentarianism be really bad - really bad. It's like a cycle where women become more and more marginalized.

Maybe it doesn't have to be this way. Maybe complimentarianism can stop on the first couple of rungs down the ladder, where women should care for their families. Maybe that's what God intended. Maybe complimentarians can express how God created a woman in ways that are fulfilling and different from one another. I think that's what my church believes.

I still don't know if we can stop that slide.

I Sometimes Get Stuck

If you know me, you know I’m a pretty traditional woman. I am in a traditionally female line of work, I have a traditionally feminine appearance, and have a traditionally female set of skills and interests. My parents have a mostly traditional and very successful marriage. If I got to choose my gender, I would choose to be a woman. So I find it weird that I think about my identity as a woman all the time.

But I do. I read articles, listen to sermons, and think about what the Bible says. I make lists of pros and cons. I make notes in books. I think about it a lot, even when I don’t mean to.

It’s not just the normal, “Why does/does not this guy like me” analyses. I think about what it means to be strong, and if women are strong. I think about how our culture views women. I think about how the church views women. I think about feminism. I think about nature vs. nurture and complimentarianism. It gets to be a lot.

Maybe I am trying to protect my friends from relationships with guys who are less than amazing. Maybe I am trying to live out my grandmothers’ legacies. Maybe I worry about my sisters and friends. Maybe I feel more hurt and frustrated than I realize.

But here I am. Most of all, I want to hear God because I really trust Him.

I'm not unmarried because

-I hate or disrespect men in general

- I can't be domestic and run a home

-I don't care about sex

-I think my career will make me happier
-I want to travel or "do things with my life"

Dear Sweetheart

Please just be a reader.

Talking to Boys

Are there any boys in my life?

No.

Why?

A variety of reasons.

Are there likely to be any?

Probably not, if I don't make changes.

Is it because I don't want a relationship?

A little bit.

You see, it's more because I didn't want a relationship. I avoided guys for a lot of years. Because I wasn't ready. Because they didn't like me. Because I was told not to look, just to wait for God. Because I don't like the drama of opposite sex relationships. Because I don't like being hit on.

Now I have bad habits. I stay home. I avoid eye contact. I barely talk to guys I like. I glare at guys I dislike. I focus on the relationships that have always mattered most -- female ones.

How much am I willing to change for a possibility that I'm not totally sure that I want, for a possibility that I'm sure I don't want to focus on?

ouch

A friend delivered her precious baby girl this week.
She was dead.
I feel like I should be impervious.
But I'm not.
It's horrible, and I'm grieving with the mom, even though we're not best friends.
This pebble of pain is unshakably lodged in my heart.
Ouch.